The Realhousewives of Atlanta- Not so Fine Print

So The Realhousewives of Atlanta started Sunday night with Kandi in the studio. I LOVE love love Kandi. Now that Bethenny Frankel has moved on to skating competitions and her own show, Kandi is definitely my favorite housewife.

Kim comes in, and like everything related to her "music" career, she's less focused on actually working on her voice or choreography than she is on getting a blinged out microphone.

Whenever Kim starts singing or dancing (Or more accurately what Kim thinks is singing and dancing) I'm constantly reminded of Sharee's comment from a few weeks ago when she said "Kim knows what she sounds like, and she's laughing all the way to the bank."

I'm predicting a huge blow up between Kandi and Kim on the road( Shocking I know).

Next we head over to visit the lovely and utterly insane Sheree who is shopping with her fully grown daughter. The shopping scenes are funny for two reasons, first they spend a ridiculous amount of money. In this scene Sheree buys 3 or 4 pieces for $7500... The second thing that cracked me up about the shopping scene, was the way Sheree tries to surprise her daughter by "only" buying her a couch. Nothing says "you need to grow up" like your Mom furnishing your apartment for you.

Then it's off to The Fernbank Museum of Natural History, where Cynthia ( Who seems like she actually is too nice and normal for this group) reveals that she's going to get married at the Museum of Natural History as Nene woud say " In front of a Dinosaur".

Nene calls Cynthia out about last week's friend contract. Cynthia tells Nene it was all a joke and then gets pissed off because Nene told Kim, and Kim thought she was crazy. Cynthia then starts to freak out and tells Nene she's not obsessed with her or in love with her...

Phaedra calls Kandi while she's still at the studio and Kandi invites her to a spa day with the rest of the ladies of the ATL. This will not end well. If Housewife history has taught me anything, it's that anytime there's a spa day, a dinner, a lunch, or a trip where all the Housewives are in the same muthafucking place, at the same muthafucking time; shit goes down.

In my opinion Kandi is the most talented Housewife from any city or season. Unlike Cynthia or Kelly Killorean Bensimon, who were famous and rich for being pretty, Kandi has not only written hit songs for others ( Like TLC's No Scubs) but she's been a successful recording artist in her own right and has an amazing voice. I hope all of the promotional efforts on this show work and Kandi's record sells really well. I'll support my girl and buy it on Itunes.

It's always funny when the Housewives go back to work or to work for the first time in Nene Leakes' case. Watching her call her friends begging for interviews, and then resorting to asking her pre-teen son's friends was pretty funny though.

Now something I don't understand, is how Kandi(The most down to Earth Housewife) and Phaedra( The Craziest and most fun to imitate housewife) hang out and seem to get along pretty well... Maybe it's because they're the newest additions to the show. I gotta say Phaedra's voice is pretty fun to imitate, like last week when she confronted Cynthia

" I hearddd ya had some questions, about mahhh baby and is it an alien?"

Kandi is already expecting a throwdown as Phaedra is spewing one liners left and right about pulling her hair and how her baby doesn't need a wig.

Kim's stylist shows up and her annoying and soon to be pregnant daughters strut around in her shoes. Kim of course is late, and then tries on a variety of side boob displaying outfits. I'm REALLY not sure how Kim affords her lifestyle... I mean how much money could she be making from "Tardy for The Party" is Big Poppa still paying her bills? I need answers :)

Sheree does the big reveal at her daughter's place and then tells her she's proud of her... For what, I'm not sure as it doesn't seem like she has ya know... a job.

And the Spa day begins...

Kim is all compliments as the ladies walk in which answers the question I always have, which is " Why do these women talk to her?" It seems like besides the fact that they have to by contract, she's funny and nice to people when she likes them.

Phaedra and Kim do not say hello to each other.

The girls plan a Miami trip for Cynthia's Bachelorette party and Phaedra reveals that she knows a stripper who can give himself head( She reveals on Watch what happens Live his name is Ridiculous).

The Friend Contract comes up and obvious jokes get taken out of context. Kim thinks it's crazy, Cynthia thinks Kim is weird. Nothing to see here folks move along.

To the Main Event where Phaedra brings up the fact that the ladies and especially Ms Kim have been talking about her baby. Phaedra also apparently doesn't know how many ounces are in a pound when she says her baby is 7 ILBs 23 Ounces.

Kim brings it though. Her line about why Phaedra's picking on her " Cause Nene will choke her, Sheree will pull her hair and Cynthia will give her a fucked up contract."

Leading to the line of the night when Phaedra says " Ms Kim was backing down, because she knew I was a crazy Black Women.

So who were the Winners and Losers of this episode?

Winners:

Kandi: Her voice sounded amazing, I'm sure she'll get a ton of sympathy from women and people with feelings, and she basically instigated the Phaedra/Kim beef.

Kim: Kim held her own with two different arguments, got a ton of screen time in which she got to try on clothes and didn't get her wig pulled off.

Phaedra: Phaedra is fast becoming one of my favorites, for her one liners and her funny "Country" ways. Phaedra landed some great lines this show especially when she was talking with Kandi.

Loser:

Cynthia: I really like Cynthia but she's taking a pounding right now between the wedding stuff, her relationship stuff, and now the friend contract/getting married in front of a dinosaur. She'll rebound.

The RealHousewives of Beverly Hills- The Dinner Party From Hell

Wowza,

That was quite an episode!

In fact I had to re-watch it a few times in order for me to properly put things into perspective.

First of all Kyle Richards, is the DJ Khalid of Beverly Hills as all she does is win, win, win no matter what. Seriously, of all the girls to go after Camille made a major tactical mistake going after the strongest and most well liked girl in the cast.

Secondly, Camille is the crazy girl on this show.

As much as I love my Housewives, the show works best when there are 4 or 5 women ganging up on one crazy ass bitch.

In New York it's everyone VS Kelly Bensimon, in Jersey everyone hated Danielle, Gretchen in the O.C etc..

Camille firmly thrust herself into this role Thursday with her crazy friend Allison Dubois.

Furthermore, she uses the classic bitchy girl rationalization(She's jealous of me) for her feud with Kyle.

I think it's obvious to anyone with eyes (and the internet) that Camille's marriage to Kelsey Grammar was falling apart as the show was taping, and I think seeing Kyle's strong relationship with Mauricio and the way all the other girls ( and everyone in America) seems to love Kyle, pushed Camille past the breaking point, and she decided she had to stand up for herself or something.

At the dinner party, Camille doesn't seem too happy to see Kyle or Faye Resnick and in fact after shaking hands with Resnick turns away from the camera and mouths something that upon my re-watching it 7500 times like the Zapruder film looked to me at least like the word "bitch".

I'm not even going to address the crazy medium lady Allison Dubois except to say two things; first your electronic cigarette makes you look like Cruella De Ville. Secondly I hope you are smart enough to realize just how bad you looked on the last episode, but I doubt it.

The fight itself was basically a re-hashing of everything that happened in New York, down to the Taylor/Kim in fighting which led to what may have been my favorite line on the show thus far , when Kim told Taylor to " Go blow up your lips some more." Also is it just me or has everyone else noticed that Kim has 4 kids from 3 different dads like the Housewife equivalent of Shawn Kemp.

Finally the group as a whole runs from the wicked witch of Malibu's home at which point either Camille turned the sprinklers on them, or they just happened to turn on.

Either way great TV was made Thursday.

J

Welcome To My Housewives Blog!

I've written about the various Housewives and my addiction to the shows over the years on various other blogs, but I think it's finally time for me to keep a blog specifically dedicated to keeping up with my favorite dysfunctional women.

Some things you should know:

Bethenny Frankel is my favorite Housewife of all time and I give extra points for being bitchy!

If I was forced at Gunpoint to rank the casts against each other, it would look like this:

1. Atlanta. Far and away the funniest show of the group. Plus the women come up with the best one liners by far, and the Gays ( can I say that?) are WAY more fun on this show. Or at least their high heels are. This cast was already the best before adding the Boug-ghetto Phadra. All hail the ladies of the ATL.

2. New York. These chicks are brutal. The show will definitely slip a level after losing Bethenny but I'm sure a show that features the insanity of Kelly Bensimon and the Romotionalness of Ramona Singer will somehow survive.

3. Orange County. When are they bringing these ladies back? I gotta say I love me some Gretchen/Tamra feud and as much as it pains me to admit this, I love seeing which Housewife Slade Smiley will be banging this week.

4. Beverly Hills. The newest comer on the list, got off to a slow start, but has really picked up recently under the crazy eyes of Camille Grammer. Not to mention the fact that Frasier is on this show as a husband. That and none of the women's faces move on this show. Ever.

5. Washington D.C. This show left me a little limp, but the last 3 episodes and the infamous "White House Crashing" with the Salahis kept this show out of the basement.

6. New Jersey. Terrible. Overracted, fake, unsympathetic characters. The second season of Jersey was so bad that they had to fire that crazy Danielle Staub chick before the season even finished. No thanks. I still watched though :)

I think the hottest Housewife is OC's Alexis Bellini and the worst looking is Caroline Manzo.

This blog will feature Power Polls for the each episode as well as my latest thoughts on all things Housewives.

JL